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Talk:A Long Overdue Answer/@comment-9041013-20170330165041
You had an issue with wordiness through the story, examples include but not limited to; "It is worth reiterating that if he needs three thousand years to learn how to travel faster than light-speed, then he simply rewinds the same day over and over until he has achieved it; to anyone else involved it would appear simply as though his genius is unlimited and that he is capable of building a faster-than-light-speed engine on the first try." - pointless pressing of how "genius" this character is, especially because you display around the story facts that contradict it's status as such. and "What followed were a series of prehistoric scientific advancements which led into greater and greater developments. Cloning, telepathy, teleportation, transmutation; all of these and more unfolded before him in no more than the space of a month or so (at least in the eyes of an outside observer)." - again, too many words describing how "great" this character is, when in fact later on you kind of disprove this claim. There are some slight punctuation issues like missed commas here and there, nothing sagnificant. The story itself however, well.... that, that most definitely did not work for me on all levels. I gather you were trying to make it a realistic-as-possible kind of sci fi here, but you end up making some really unrealistic points. Like going back in time, it's impossible, as far as Stephen Hawking knows. It kind of shows you don't really know what you're talking about when throwing in the laws of thermodynamics, for example. In addition to that, the long and over complicated name this character goes by, again makes little sense; languages get easier with time. It's a fact of "human reality" that we simplefy languages. Even if this long ass complicated, african sounding name is the character's birth name, a character with unlimited intellegence would know to take up a name that suit's the times of a person it's coming in contact with. Now, this character is supposed to be unbelivably genius and yet it has to go through the same trial and error process it did for countless ages to formulate "the perfect conversation" whenever speaking to another intellegent beings, like humans. If in reality mere mortals are able to be charismatic and convincing enough for any and every one in certain cases, so a super smart god like thing, should be too, just by learing how to communicate so once. I can equate this character to Dr. Manhattan in terms of abilities, the thing is Manhattan has no problem reminiscing his past, while your character goes "ugh... speaking about just the past sux!". If you had written that he does not remember how he came to be, it'd be far better than "well i dont like it", in fact, if you would say it's about him being unable to recall his origins because he's been around for "so long" it'd make him feel far more significant, similar to Supernatural's Death who once commented on how he and God are so old neither of them remembers who was the first. Finally, where's the scares, man? I don't find anything scary or anything of the sorts... It's just a nice sci fi piece but theres nothing scary or terrifying or anything of the sorts. A person "gruesomely" kill himself does not do anything from the story, actually, for me, it made it worse... you should've made Sutter go mad or something rather than just "gruesomely" kill himself. What that even means...